"There just aren't any good guys around here."

And my heart cries aloud.

  posted by Austin @ 7:06 PM

 
2 nights ago, after laughing about joel, it comes up.

J: Who's my perfect guy?
My inner monolouge without hesitation: Austin
A: I dunno girl.
J: Who's your perfect girl?
My Inner Monolouge: You
A: good question.

She sits and talks to marc, him 500+ miles away, and she wants what she can't have. My brain turns over how things would be if she thought i didn't like her, if i was far away, if i never let her see my thoughts, if i never told her my feelings

Everytime i've been down this path, i've been so scared of treading the ice known as a relationship for fear of falling into the chill of lost friendship, but this time, i walk out on the ice without fear, but i just keep walking. Seems like it won't end. Almost wish it would shatter, and under i could plunge. Let the bitterness wash me anew.

I get up sometimes
Like somebody else
Am I just wasting time
For somebody else

Vertical Horizon






  posted by Austin @ 9:26 PM

 
Feel like i got hit by a bus...Not fun. Hopefully i'll be better tomorrow.

I sit and listen to andy talk about his relationships, and i realize me and him are almost opposites in some ways. He chases a goal, like something he wants to feel, and while in a way, i'm chasing the same thing, but my feelings i desire are personified into a person. And he chases the girls that don't give him that feeling, switching often. To caught up in a drunken fling, he hangs on to something i don't see happening. But then, hey, that may be me in the same way. And as i think about it, i laugh aloud, realizing i've been chasing for 5 months. And i'll be damned because i know i'll hold out for much longer. I've done it before...for people much less deserving. Funny, i feel almost like i run in circles. I read our conversation from months ago, and the feelings are still the same, just me and her are closer. Time will tell If it works out, then it will all be worth it, and if not, i'll look back on it and realize it was there for a reason, and i'm a better, stronger person. Just dear god, don't let me hold her back because of my feelings. Tomorrow the sun will rise, the tide will roll, and my day will go on.

Now to bed, where the cards fall like i want them to.

~Let her go, let her walk right out me...
And if the sun comes up tomorrow, let her be...~
Hootie and the Blowfish

~I'm only a man looking for a dream~
Five for Fighting

  posted by Austin @ 10:15 PM